QUESTION: If I receive an e-mail from a church member which contains an attachment of porn, what should I do? ANOTHER QUESTION: What if that same e-mail is sent to my wife, and half a dozen other women in our church?
Well, that’s exactly what happened, and it is connected to our ten year hiccup. This might help shed some light on that situation and let you know the kind of junk I’ve had to deal with.
This person was an active member of PCC who sent it to us accidentally. He thought he was sending it to a group of men who were in his small group, but somehow got his e-mail addresses mixed up with our addresses and inadvertently included us in this tasteless practice. Talk about a blunder.
To be honest, this incident put us in a tail spin. Situations like this call for decisiveness, but they also call for prudence (caution) lest we do more harm than good. I wasn’t sure what to do. Do we confront him on it? What about the other men on his e-mail list – were they willing participants? If so, the problem is bigger than I thought. What about his wife? – think of the public embarrassment she would suffer if it came out into the open. Should we shield her? And what about the other ladies who received this e-mail and were offended by this dastardly deed? You can see the dilemma I was facing. I wasn’t the only one involved here - there were seven other women affected by this… not counting the men on his e-mail list that he intended to send this to.
Let me pause to say that if this man is secretly into porn that was his business and he’ll have to settle up with God one day. But once it was sent to me, my wife, and the other women in our church, as well as the men on his e-mail list, then it became my business. Judgment day would have to wait. This was happening in the church that is under my charge, and was affecting a lot of people.
I decided to handle this matter quietly and make him aware of what I knew. Which I did. It was then that the fertilizer hit the fan! Oh boy did it ever. He turned on me like a chameleon having hot flashes! Here I was trying to do the right thing in the right way (discretely), but when he realized his e-mail was sent to at least seven women in the church (and me) he went ballistic and got vicious in an attempt to divert attention away from himself. These were godly women whose honor needed to be respected and I’m attempting to handle this in a quiet Biblical manner and he wants to cop an attitude on me? It became obvious that containment was no longer possible… all his own doing (I might add) because he was the one making the scene.
Next I spoke to a couple of men who were on the e-mail list, and they sloughed it off, and laughed.
After that, I even made our church trustees aware of the situation. All three of them ignored the issue and refused to respond. Neither did they offer me any support in addressing the matter - I was on my own and alone. Then, much to my chagrin, I discovered that one of them, and possibly two, were complicit in this e-mail having gladly received it and were delighted to get more!
Man, I knew it was time do something. I needed to clean house. A church member needed correction, a group of men needed rebuke, a small group needed to be disbanded, and a broken leadership system that was installing unfit leaders into position needed to be overhauled!
- I Peter 4:17 (KJV) For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God?
This man quickly joined himself with the malcontents in his group (and who were on his e-mail list) and launched into a vicious campaign of rumors about me and our church. He deliberately tried to bring ruin to me by concocting the most absurd lies you could ever imagine. While preposterous, they did cause me some damage and harm – especially to my family. If his campaign of slander had succeeded it would have destroyed the congregation of PCC. This action, in and of itself, made him an enemy of the cross and maybe even a two-fold child of hell. After all, he was willing to damage the Bride of Christ just to cover his own corruption. The things he said to people in the community among unsaved people were inexcusable – they brought reproach to the cause of Christ.
This should have come as no surprise to me, but it did. I understand now that when a person lives in the gutter they don't mind pulling other people (even respectable people) down into the gutter with them - even if they have to lie to do it. He became one of the main instigators and a primary ring leader during our ten year hiccup. But it was all a smoke screen to hide the fact that he was a dirty old man who got caught.
Does this begin to shed some light on people you think you know?
In spite of my attempt to provide godly and compassionate leadership in handling this situation discretely (for all the parties concerned), a few people chose to side with this son of Belial rather than remain in a good church. They chose a brute beast over a shepherd, and I took the brunt of blame for it.
Now, this is the kind of junk my family and I have been dealing with from these people. Could you do this job?
Let me offer some pastoral advice from a shepherd who knows what God expects. If you want to align yourself with people like that, fine, that’s your business. But if you are a sheep in this flock, what you do is also my business. The Bible warns you to withdraw yourself from such a person:
- I Corinthians 5:11 (KJV) But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
Here the Bible commands us to not to keep company with a man who calls himself a Christian when you can clearly see he is living in unrepentant sin. In fact, you’re not even supposed to have a hamburger with him! I am astonished at the people who willingly ignore these teachings from Holy Writ and also ignore the evidence (of corrupt fruit) that is visible in such a person’s life. It is much better to keep yourself under the care of a godly shepherd who has been charged to watch over your soul and who guards the flock. Follow the wrong people and you could be led astray like others.
From a leadership standpoint, there are instances in which we have to go public with situations like this – not always – but sometimes. I attempted to handle this incident discreetly, but it was not to be. So it’s time that I reveal the facts as they occurred, and here’s why – for the future health of our church.
- I Timothy 5:20 (NIV) Those who sin are to be REBUKED PUBLICLY, so that the others may take warning.
This passage shows us that the sins of an unrepentant person are to be brought out into the open for all to see! One of the reasons for public disclosure is for the sake of the church. It tends to deter others from committing similar crimes, and in so doing keeps the congregation and their worship pure.
It was a painful and humiliating ordeal for me, my family, and some godly women of PCC - and I have carried this burden in silence for a long time. Now that the situation has been fixed and our church is well and thriving, it’s time for you to know. It was the height of disrespect for me as a pastor, and these women as ladies. But I got it cleaned up. It cost me a pound of flesh to do so, but our worship is pure. This brute beast and his complicit companions no longer defile our church or disrespect our women.
Again, does this begin to shed some light on people you think you know?
This is no longer a secret. Just ask.
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